The Girl Group I Never Had

I debated about wether to post this or not - but I ultimately I want this blog to be a safe space where I can process my feelings and hopefully connect with others that may feel the same way. So here we go -

I think girls from an early age are primed to desire having a tight nit group of girlfriends. From the babysitters club, to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, to Sex in the City...we witness women in very close friendship circles. There have been periods in my life where I had girlfriend groups, but they never lasted long, or felt as tight as the ones you see on TV. I think there are many factors that went into my never having a longer lasting girl group - firstly, I am pretty introverted and while I like hanging out in a group - it can also feel overwhelming for me, and I require a lot of alone time. Second, I have been in a relationship for the last 10 years. Being single can bond women together to fulfill the human desire for companionship and support. Since I always had a partner to talk to/hang out with - I did not need my female friends as much. I have loved having Josh in my life all these years - but sometimes I do wonder how I would be different if I had been single during those critical female-bonding years (17-21). 

Throughout the years I have often wished for a group of girlfriends that I could lean on. I would envy groups I saw on campus and around town. I never had a desire to join a sorority - I don't do well in forced social climates and groups that big. Plus I had a really negative experience in the beginning of High School when I was part of an all-girls Jewish Youth group - which was basically a primer for Sorority/Fraternity life. That is a story for another time. Anyways, I always wanted a small group of girls that felt like sisters.

I have been lucky to have great individual girlfriends throughout the years - and I always liked that I had friends in all sorts of different groups. But in recent years, with the pressures of full-time work, responsibilities, and distance - I have felt many of those friendships fading with time. I have recently been craving more local friendships, and that desire for a 'girl group' has been kicking in strongly. It feels so much harder when you are older to find friends - I think a lot of it stems from feeling embarrassed that you are even looking. I think in our culture it is expected that you will have all the friends you need by the time you are in your mid 20's. For some people this is probably true - but I have talked to a lot of other urban mid-20's people that feel the same way I do. We badly want to connect with others but stop ourselves for a multitude of reasons and excuses.

Over the next few weeks I have quite a few girlfriend dates set up, and plan to continue making more. I think blogging and becoming freelance has helped me to connect with people that are in a similar position. I know it won't be instantaneous that I find girls I click with - but hoping over the next year I can make some meaningful connections. 

This post has devolved from "The Girl Group" but it feels good to get out some of my feelings around this topic even though it does make me feel vulnerable. 

Xo, Jess